My daughter M has been away from home for a long time, about 15 years. I have rarely seen and even more rarely heard from her. She has been the source of pain for me for a very long time. The pain that at times seemed unbearable. It was actually her life that God used to set me on a new path following Him.
It is strange that it seems to be in our human nature that we will take any path and apply a self inflicted struggle that seems endless before we fall back on the One and Only who can help us. Often that is how Christ reaches us, when we are at the bitter end and have no where else to go, what a shame. I too made that destructive choice for many years.
When God decided to shake me up He obviously had taken enough of my foolish rebellion and went straight to my heart! Through my daughter and my grandchildren is how He got my full attention. It's a long story and I won't even try to tell you about those years, there aren't enough pages here but I want to impress upon you how terribly hurt, devastated, hopeless and useless I felt when I finally turned to Him.
Through the years God has taken me not just to my knees but flat on the floor, literally, just so that I could learn that He was the only way up. That He could handle, fix, turn anything around and that I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL.
There are many, many instances, lessons and instructions the Lord had to give me and there were all the times I failed and He sweetly said to my heart - "it's OK, just start again, listen to Me, listen" It took me years to learn to hear Him and then years to learn to listen - earnestly listen - to what I heard. I'm not to fast apparently but God knew when I finally "got it" I had really "got it".
When my spiritual life took a huge, major turn and my heart changed was when I finally knew and said to God "Lord I will not ask you again to bring her home to me I know now how wrong that prayer was, I ask You God to bring her home to You. Wherever she is and if I never see her again in the body, I beg You bring her home to You" Something changed in my heart when I said those words, I had listened and learned, I meant those words and when God knew I meant that He stepped in and changed my life in ways you wouldn't believe in an instant some times. I never asked Him again to bring her home to me and my heart and mind were both OK with that. I had learned that her soul and her eternity were what was important, not my need as an earthly mother.
My M had vanished and was missing for 2 1/2 years. I had searched, going through neighborhoods with a photo, posted posters, published, and checked with the police constantly. I had cried a million tears and had no way to know but I believed she was dead and lost forever. When I discovered that her soul not her earthly body was what was important God heard my prayer and answered.
I was sitting in the front room in Dec 2004. a week before Christmas when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it and a woman stood there, I said "May I help you" she said "Mom, it's me M!" I didn't recognize her, I fell apart completely as my knees hit the floor. It was her! Thank You Jesus was my only thought as the tears poured.
It's been a rocky road since then but I prayed and begged God to open her heart to Him and if He can use me to get her ready to please use me or any stranger He could find, just find a way into her heart.
Yes she has been out of the fold for about 15 years and again God has answered my prayer. I have asked her to move home so her family can help her and she has refused. The last three years God has reached out to her and has helped her improve her life and make changes to drastic degrees, He is amazing. And recently He decided to bring her here. She with millions has been hit by the poor economy, loosing her job and then her husband also. They hung on as long as they could and when they lost their apartment they finally called, "mom can we come home?" Oh you bet I was right there to get them, lock-stock-and barrel. And Praise-a-leuah's where pouring from my heart. This I believe is an opportunity from God to love her so much she can't stand it, to say His name in front of her daily and to let her see herself what a change God has made in my life. A testament to what God wants to do for her.
I've changed, I see things differently, I value different things and I know when I need to step back and let God handle things. I am praying for my daughter's soul and her husbands and the two grandchildren, praying that God finds a way into their hearts and opens them wide. And that they will be willing to accept. I'm waiting as God told me to for those tiny steps that make gradual change happen in their lives. My M is home with me and I couldn't be more grateful to God and I'm ready to be used - I love you Lord.
It's been a long road Lord thank You for carrying me, thank You. Amen