Monday, November 22, 2010

A Man that Learned

[Cheryl - if you can't let this go and accept that it is handled, don't read my post today. This one is between N and me, Love you, Mom.]

My wonderful 9 year old grandson N is spending a few days with me. I always enjoy and look forward to the next trip. This time however he decided to show his little behind and push my buttons. Without explaining exactly what happened I'll just say "he got loud, he got rude, and I decided to handle it".

I suppose after these 9 wonderful years of me getting to be the good Bamma who get's to make trips to the zoo and parks, serve cola (I'm so bad) and ice cream and sometimes candy, it was time for me to have to be the disciplinarian (it made me sad).

After the happening and my reaction I demanded he go into the house and sit. He did what I said with a snatch and a face that would turn a lemons lips inside out - did I just say that? As we entered and I again approached the subject of respect I must have been 8 inches from his face and I think he believed that I was not the same person who's buttons he had pushed, no, somebody must have switched Bamma's on him! He knew for sure that something was different. I informed him that with all the love in the world, I would tear his little butt up in a new way - if anything like this ever happened again.

A few minutes later he was sitting and I gave us both about 5 minutes to cool down. With his little arms crossed, lips torqued and muscles each as tense as they could be, he glared with tears in his eyes. I suspect a little fear, sorrowfulness and anger all mixed together could create the little stranger that sat there in front of me.

I began to explain exactly where and when this quickly moving train, left the track! He looked at me with eyes swollen and filled with tears "Ooooh! it's just so hard being a kid Bamma", I know baby, I know. I was (believe it or not) 9 once and so was dad and mom. "I love you Bamma and I don't want to get so upset" I understand N and you have a lot of growing to do before you get it right. I know that and so does dad and mom.

With tears slowly parading down his sweet little cheeks he said, "Sometimes I feel like everyone hates me and that feels so bad and then I get all kind of things". I know baby, when you get up that morning and don't brush your teeth, your in trouble. Then you don't make your bed and your in trouble again. Maybe then you go outside without telling anyone and find yourself in trouble again! sheesh - it can fell like everyone hates you. But it's not your parents job to be your best friend, it's their job to correct you, discipline you and train you. You will grow up to be a man one day and one thing I know for sure is that you will be ONE OF TWO kinds of men as an adult. You will be the sum total of "what you have learned" or the sum total of "your mistakes". Do you understand? "yes mam, I think so". Which man do you want to be N, "some body that learned stuff Bamma".

Your Dad and Mom love you and have to correct you just like I have to sometimes, they have to, it's their responsibility to God. Even knowing that you don't like the discipline it's their job so that you will become the "right" man and not the "wrong" man as you mature.

When you do things the wrong way, even when you don't understand, and you are being disciplined by dad or mom, try saying a little prayer to God asking Him to help you learn from this and not get angry from it - tell Him that you want to be a man that learned.

I think he understood, the event was not followed by his usual and useless "I'm sorry" remark or by the typical "are you gonna tell dad and mom?" question. His response to everything was different and that told me that he heard what he was supposed to, I think he heard with his hearts ears. I know I certainly enjoyed the big smile which followed, accompanied by some mighty special hugs and kisses. I then asked, are we square young man? "yes mam, we're square". I continued with well OK, it's finished, it's done and we are over it! Let's let it goooo! and we both laughed and hugged again. Nothing but sweet peace since that happened.

I will have to say now that it was worth the risk that I might loose my "you are the best grandma in the whole world" status for - yes, it was worth the risk.

Dear Father, I pray for my children and grandchildren who I love so dearly. That they as parents never fail to use the discipline that will teach their children and, that they follow the instruction in Your Holy Word accepting guidance from You and the love that only You can give. Be with these fathers as they apply discipline and with the mothers as they learn to stand behind their husbands in full support Lord, so not to undo what was done.
Be with the children and make them little sponges for knowledge and lessons learned as they grow and mature bodily and spiritually. Help this little boy who I love too Father, to grow into "A man that learned", not "A man filled with his mistakes".

Amen and Amen


  1. Ah! The soul anguish of training up a child!"

  2. Sometimes I think the discipline part is harder on us than it is on them :) It sounds to me like you have a great relationship with your grandson and he's lucky to have such a wonderful grandmother

  3. This is great wisdom, Miawa.

    Happy Thanksgiving.



to leave comment