I've been thinking again and I always find myself in trouble when I do. I think that I fixate on things Lord even obsessively. Now what is wrong with me that I don't fixate on the right things instead of the trivial?
I get started with editing and go all crazy, I start photography and get all crazy. I begin a class in something and it's the only thing that is on my mind until I complete it. I have discovered for that one project it's a good thing but, it does not leave me well rounded or balanced.
I need to stay focused and committed to the things that you want for me and I just keep leaping. What's that old saying "jack of all trades and master of none" unfortunately that is me.
I think it goes back to my insatiable curiosity, even as a child I had to look in every crack and cranny, to turn every rock and leaf and see all aspects of everything and my goodness, if a sign said "do not enter" that was an invitation to me. Here I am almost 60 and still can't stop looking, and still turning those rocks!
So what good am I to You? I've tried to reason this out with: I'm still learning, I'm gathering knowledge and growing wisdom, I'm a true adventurer - but really what purpose does any of this serve. I only know how much it pleases me to see every detail of each thing you have created. That it pleases me to have all of these tid-bits of knowledge and that it satisfies something inside of me and gives me peace. I get a look at You through different eyes than a lot of people.
I see you with every (without exception) sunrise and sunset. I see you in every magnificent tree and tiny blade of grass that I do have to examine. I see You in the people in my life, the children and grandchildren I have been blessed with. I just walk around all day every day seeing You in everything and I ask again, what good am I to You?
I truly don't know, so I'm praying that You are going to enlighten me. I'm wondering how long I have to wait for that thump and lightning bolt to hit me or maybe this time I will hear you without all of that.
(Of course we both know I will probably be busy looking at something else, don't we!)